February 14th, the day of jokes, loneliness, love, self-pity, cards, bragging, chocolates, and a slew of other things. It's a day that gets me thinking about my life, my relationship, and my love.
Preface: This is a harder one for me to write about, and an even harder one for me to post. But I'm a strong believer that when you're open and vulnerable you learn a lot and maybe could even help someone.
I've been told by many people how my relationship looks so perfect and it gets me every time. Because on this end of the phone on this end of the computer, I know my relationship isn't perfect. We fight and we have less than admirable moments. By looking through my posts, Of course it LOOKS perfect. Who would want to or even think about airing their dirty laundry for the world to see and talk about? That doesn't feel good for anyone. But let me be the first to tell you that my relationship is so far from perfect and I'm completely okay with admitting that.
I used to look on Facebook and see these couples who seemingly were flawless, never fought, and never struggled, they were virtually perfect and I felt like my relationship paled in comparison. It never once crossed my mind that someone would see my relationship that same way. Until the first time someone told me we do. At that moment it clicked. Now I'm not going to say those sweet words don't mean the world to me, because of course they do. They are such encouraging comments to read and come back to. But I'll also say there's a small part of me that feels deceiving. Behind all the cute pictures and sweet appreciation posts is a real relationship, ugly fights, but an indescribably amount of love.
I doubted a lot for a long time. Why are we fighting, why doesn't he understand me, is this normal, is this what God wants, is this wrong?
These questions milled through my mind eating away at all my, here's that word again, insecurities. That is until I realized that to have an even close to perfect relationship, we'd have to be close to perfect people. I realized that the couples I saw on Facebook were only showing the good times, just like I was. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, but I also don't feel there's anything wrong with showing it's not perfect either. I realized that the relationship I was in was perfectly imperfect and that's okay. When I finally allowed that fact to sink in, my eyes were opened to the intense truth that is our Savior. Our imperfect relationship allows Him to be the center of our lives. It forces us to seek guidance and counsel and pushes us closer to the Lord. He is the only one who is not just close to perfect but is the definition of perfection. Everything He does, says, and is is love in its most perfect and purest form.
I saw my relationship in a whole new light.
The man that I'm marrying is not perfect, but he is a man who is strong and loving, gentle and understanding, and comforting and God-fearing. He encourages me and leads me closer to Him. He loves me through my mistakes, issues, and quirks. He listens to me complain and worry and he shows his love for me in every day. He shows me the love I believe God has intended for me and continues to pursue me. He loves my flaws and I love his. I love them, because they bring glory to the flawless. Flaws are just reality and reminders that God is the only one who will not disappoint us. He is the only one who can complete us and the only one who is capable to love us with a perfect love.
I love my relationship more than I can begin to explain. I love loving this man and I love the fact that I get to keep loving him every day for the rest of my life.
Back tracking to where I said "Our imperfect relationship allows Him to be the center of our lives". Now if you read that, it may seem like it comes effortlessly, like we're yet again perfect, like just because we accept we're not perfect that He's automatically in the #1 spot. This couldn't be further from the truth. It's not easy, but it IS possible and it's an every day, every moment decision. Now this is a whole blog post for another day.
In our short three years of dating each other, we have been through a lot. We have fought more than I thought was normal, we have loved more than I thought was possible, and we have prayed a little less than we should have. I have found the man who I will love and support for the rest of my life and thats the most perfectly imperfect thing. I think the God we serve is very strategic with the spouses he gives to each of his children, but man did He outdo himself with mine.
So you're proud of your boyfriend or girlfriend, make a PDA ridden post. You're seeing other posts that portray a perfect life and want what they have? Dont. Be patient and wait on the Lord. You are loved so deeply and personally by a God who has a plan (and a man) for you. Don't get distracted by the fluttery feelings and cheesy holidays as fun as they may be. You are precious and should be treasured with a special love that too is perfectly imperfect.
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