A Bad Heart Day

 If there’s one reason why I feel God may have chosen POTS to be a struggle of mine, it would be to teach me that I can’t do everything, that I need to trust and lean on Him and my husband, that I need to swallow a humble pill and sit when I need to sit even when there’s dishes that need to be cleaned or laundry that needs to be folded. Which is not easy for me. I like being able to help others and I like being able to help myself. I’m a major planner and with POTS you don’t get to choose when you have a bad heart day, it just hits you out of nowhere. You don’t get to help others like you would like to and you sure as heck don’t get to help yourself.

Today is one of those days.

I’ve been shakey and my black outs when I stand up are constant instead of just frequent. I can’t catch my breath and I just feel defeated. Its scary and trying and it’s very easy to just want to clam up and get frustrated. 

Sitting on the couch while my husband runs around the house making me breakfast, making my lunch, feeding the dogs, and so much more, is probably the most difficult thing I have to do. But it also gives me the opportunity to change my mindset and just be thankful. I’m thankful to have a husband who loves me so visibly and who cares for me more than I care for myself and who takes on what I can’t without an ounce of bitterness. 

So if there’s one thing I’m grateful for it’s that POTS has allowed me to slow down and truly see love so clearly displayed. 

I married the greatest man and I’m thankful for him every day, but man, am I extra-super-thankful for him today.