Post Event Exhaustion

 

I am feeling this one today. We went bowling with my family today, I sat and watched because I’m not physically able to join. For the longest time I didn’t get myself. I felt like I must just be antisocial or  like something must be wrong with me because having plans has always given me anxiety. I’m slowly but surely understanding that giving into my limitations is not the same as giving into my illness. I’m understanding that it’s not because I don’t want to have plans, be social, or go bowling, it’s just because I have a limited amount of energy that is usually sucked up by the time I’ve taken a shower and brushed my teeth. It’s sometimes hard to see everyone else doing all the things without skipping a beat, while I’ve lost all my energy just by sitting and watching. But I just need to remind myself that there’s nothing wrong with me except for the fact that I have an illness. A big part of this illness is the mental game of letting go of the guilt and the idea that you can "beat" your symptoms if you just work harder. So now I will nap guilt free, because while it doesn’t always look like it, I did a thing today.