This is POTS

 

This is what trying to take a daycation looks like with POTS and NCS. It’s laying on a bench that my husband laid me down on after carrying me up a mountain and holding my head while I passed out. (Yes, he truly is my hero)

The thing about POTS is it’s predictable and yet unpredictable at the same time. You may know your triggers, but you never will know your tolerance on any given day. You know you need to listen to your body but you also are trying to figure out how to LIVE.

This is POTS. It is trying to live your life but being held back constantly. It is the fact that normal every day things are actually huge things that you need to plan for to make sure you have enough energy. It is giving into syncope and letting it happen because you know it’s inevitable. It is having your loved one explain what happened while you were passed out and seeing the fear in their eyes. It’s tiny pupils and constricted lungs. It’s deep breaths and loss of vision. POTS is a lot of things. It’s not easy to live with and it’s frustrating that it’s not more well known and understood. It’s frustrating that people give nasty looks when I have to move my mask down to catch my breath or when I need to sit on the ground in line to keep from fainting. It’s hard. It’s scary. it hurts. And it’s chronic. Meaning, it doesn’t go away. So no, yoga and vegan eating won’t fix it. (So please don’t suggest it )

Today was a tough one (again). But as crappy as this illness is, I’m grateful. It’s so evident to me that God has used it to continually remind me to slow down and remember who my strength and my worth comes from. It also allows me to see my husbands pure love so clearly displayed in my every day and in my every episode. I am beyond grateful that God deemed me worthy of marrying the angel on earth, Jordan Michael. J, Thank you for catching my head when I faint, for carrying me up a mountain, and for telling me you love me over and over through every second. You make life so sweet.