A POTS Day

 

Here’s a picture that was taken 10 minutes before I passed out to remind you that just because someone looks young & healthy does not mean they are. 🙃🙃 Cheers to being vulnerable with the ugly days chronic illness brings. // Some days just suck like a vacuum. Some days you have to give yourself some time to mourn what you thought your life would look like and acknowledge the limitations you have no choice but to accept.

Today is just one of those days. I sat in my driveway taking a few deep breaths, trying   to calm my heart down to a reasonable rate. And then, I just broke down. And man, it felt good. It felt good to let myself feeeeeel it. To let myself grieve and to let down my wall of “It could always be worse” and “there’s been so much good I’ve learned from it”isms. 

While it’s true that it could always be worse and it’s true that there’s been so much good I’ve learned from my illness, it doesn’t make it any easier. It doesn’t make it any easier to not be able to do “normal” things like grocery shop or take a short walk. It doesn’t make it any easier to live with an illness that continues to flip my world upside down. 

But what does make it easier is my hope. It makes it easier knowing that this life is not my own and that my God knows me and loves me and is with me in the depths of my pain. It makes it easier knowing that He is using this little bit of my story for His glory and that I can relate to others who suffer from chronic illnesses because of it. It makes it easier knowing that sharing these crappy crappy moments help other potsies feel less alone and help to remind others that you never know what someone else is going through. It makes it easier that the Lord gave me a husband who does every little thing he can to make my life easier. He gave me a family who prays for me and supports me. He gave me a few solid friends who care for me and check on me. It makes it easier knowing that my God understands me and meets me right where I am. I have a God who is bigger than my illness, stronger than my weakness, and He loves me through every moment. Days like today are rough, but they make me so thankful for the life He has given me, illness and all.