Disability

 

Disability. I can almost feel you cringe from this side of the screen. I get it, I used to cringe too. Sometimes I still do, but that’s only when I’m feeling like I don’t *deserve* that word because I look normal and that by aligning with that word is somehow taking something away from those who “look” sick. or of course, when I’m feeling cocky and think I have some say over my illness. When I think, today is the day! I am going to conquer and beat this. LOL. Which is just all sorts of crazy considering, ya can’t “beat it”. It’s chronic. It’s about living in it and trusting God in every day.

I’ve had a few things happen lately that have made me face my illness and face it for what it really is. A disability. There are things, many things regrettably, that I’m not able to physically do. I work so hard to keep my illness from holding me back or doing the things I want to do, and yet, it still stops me. It still gets in my way. It still…disables me. And that is a hard pill to swallow. It’s hard to accept that it’s not just a right now thing, it’s a forever-chronic type thing. A thing that will continue to force me to reevaluate what I can do and cannot do.  

A lot of people who don’t look sick are disabled. It’s not as scary of a word as you think. It just has a nasty stigma attached to it that comes with a bunch of inaccurate assumptions. It causes people to have a certain expectation of what “disability” looks like. That’s when I realized I had to stop cringing. I was part of the problem. When I cringe at the word disability, when I shy away from the idea that I just might be disabled, I’m making assumptions about disabilities and whether I like to admit it, I’m belittling the impact of my limitations by feeling like I’m not sick enough to use that label. And why? Because I don’t look sick? I can pass as healthy. No one would pick me out of a line up, unless of course I had to stand in that line for longer than a minute...then I think they would 😂

I am disabled. I have disabilities. And it’s not scary to say. I’m not going to shy from it. I’m not going to tip toe around it. I’m not going to over explain what that looks like. I’m not going to dumb down or sugar coat my limitations. It’s nothing to be embarrassed of. I wish I never felt that I didn’t deserve that word. I felt guilty for even considering it because I felt like it was reserved for those who visibly looked sick. 

The more we make conversation like this comfortable and “normal” the less those of us who struggle with disabilities will feel isolated. The less we will feel like our words, our experiences don’t deserve space in this world. Because they do. Our experiences are valid and deserve to be talked about. 

It’s so easy to fall into the idea that we’re just supposed to suck it up, live with it, and keep our mouths shut about our experiences. And I just personally think that’s so messed up. 

I love hearing people’s stories. And yet, so often I find myself questioning why I’m sharing mine. I’ll say things like “oh, they don’t want to hear about what I go through” or “it probably just sounds like I’m complaining”. Instead of being dang proud of myself for having the courage to share my experiences. (Yes, I am patting myself on the back a little bit! It’s scary to share!)

The more normal we can make uncomfortable conversations and hush hush words like “disability”, (I say like because I’m not only talking about disabilities. I’m talking about mental health, traumas, happy moments that come off like gloating, the good, the bad, the ugly, the whole 9 yards!) the more we’ll understand eachother better and the more we understand each other, the less divided we will be. The more we’ll remember that we are more than the person we vote for or the opinions we hold. The more we’ll remember we’re all just people. People who want to love and be loved.

Also, one more thing: if you question yourself a lot, if you question whether you should post this or share that because you’re afraid that it will make you look like you’re a complainer or even a gloater....post it. Share it! Be bold and don’t think twice about it. Don’t go back and question what people are thinking. We want to hear it. As Dr. Seuss so eloquently put it, those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter. That very well may be my favorite motto...besides my favorite Bible verses of course. 😉

Thank you coming to yet another one of my TED talks. Until next time....🙂