My favorite holiday

 

Easter is my favorite holiday. But this years Easter was harder for me. I’ve felt far from God. I’ve been struggling physically and consequently, emotionally, and I’ve lacked motivation for allll the things as I’ve continued to adjust to every days “normal”.

Today I really tried to do the whole thing. Showered, did my makeup and hair, put real clothes on, put worship music on, lit some candles, opened the blinds, spent some quiet time in prayer, threw on the wheel, and drank a big ole’ glass of water before sitting down to start work.

I did all the things that I could think of to care for myself and give it my best go to have a better day. But I ended up spoonless, exhausted, laid up in bed full of brain fog and with absolutely zero motivation. Days like these are hard, but theres no heartbreak that compares to when I feel far from Him.

I’ve never been a huge fan of saying that God “spoke” to me, because let’s be honest, that’s a big statement and can so easily land in the Christian lingo category.

But today, while I talked to Him about how I’ve been feeling, I’m not sure how else to put it, but He just spoke to me. It’s just His love. His love that holds you and is so overwhelmingly apparent that He’s just got you. His love that reminds me that there is nothing I can do or not do that will make Him love me more or less. It reminds me that even when I go absent, when I ignore Him no matter for how long or short of a time, He hasn’t moved. He is right there with His arms wide open to hold me as He always has and always will. THIS is the incredible thing about being His. THIS is why I chose to leave what the world has to “offer” and follow Christ. I don’t do things so He’ll love me more, I don’t live differently to earn points or earn my way to heaven, because if it were up to my good works, I’d never be able to “do” enough.

The Easter story is the Good News in a nut shell. He made a perfect world. We messed it up. Even after we messed it up, He gave His Son to die on a cross so that we can live with Him for eternity if we choose.

If. We. Choose. He has given us free will to choose Him. Because true love is chosen. True love is not full of pressure or ridden with a bunch of rules.

It always blows my mind when people talk about how following Jesus is just a bunch of rules. Because to me, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Because to me, Christianity is my personal relationship with the Person who saved me. Because to me, He’s called me to be different, to speak different, to live different, because I’ve been set apart, I’ve been bought with a price. And what a beautiful price that was. Tell me how or why you would ever WANT to live in any other way.

He’s provided us with His Word that gives us guidance, not to take the “fun” out of it, but to protect us, as any good Father would. So that we can experience life and love to the fullest, in the way He intended it to be. And when you trust Him with everything you have, it only makes sense to trust His Word and pick up your cross and follow Him.

So while this Easter felt different and as much as I hate the times I feel far from Him, I’m grateful for the heartbreak that comes along with it because I get to experience that unconditional love all over again and in such an overwhelming and child-like way.

Tell me a better love story than His story. I’ll wait.