Listening to Your Body

I am usually pretty strategic about my zoom meetings (aka the meetings that require me to be sitting upright at my desk) and never schedule a call that lasts longer than a half hour and never after 12pm if I can help it because that tends to be when my symptoms kick in.

But today I had a big meeting at 11am that was scheduled for an hour and ended up turning into 2.5 hours and my goodness, I’m reminded once again of the utter torture I went through when working a regular office job and what an incredible blessing my current position is.

I hit my 30 minute grace period and then I hit 12pm and sure enough I went down hill quickly. My heart rate spiked, I couldn’t breathe normally, the sweating started, the brain fog and shakiness set in, and my vision and hearing started coming in and out. My body was begging me to lay down and yet I couldn’t. I took a few breaks when I could, but unfortunately, by that point I had pushed myself past the point of no return. 

While I thought taking my breaks had kept my fainting at bay, I was wrong. I felt an episode coming and thankfully was able to shut off my camera, told my coworker I would be right back, fainted, came out of it, and let them know I wasn’t well and needed to go.

I’ve been asked how someone with POTS can be considered “disabled” and THIS is a big reason why. It is not “normal” for a person to get sick as a dog from simply standing or even sitting for that matter. It’s the same reason why I’ve had no other option but to lay on the ground no matter where I am: my old cubicle, dressing rooms, or my least favorite, but sometimes necessary, public restrooms. We don’t have the option to not. We don’t have the option to “push through”. Our bodies are quite literally shutting down and the only thing we can do is listen to them and give them what they need. Because the alternative is not listening and winding up passed out, waking up to a bunch of strangers huddled over you. (Trust me, I’ve been there and I’ll take a public restroom floor any day) 

This is the reality of POTS and this is my reminder that not everyone who looks healthy is; be kind and please please listen to your bodies. That is one thing that I’ve been learning lately. We have incredible bodies that God created with thoughtful purpose. So if you are in pain, don’t just “live with it” because you think it’s normal.  Don’t push through because you’re afraid of what others might think. And darn it, eat the cookie your body says it wants! Our bodies are too smart and intentionally made to doubt and silence them.

 So now I’ll lay here in bed (utterly useless in a flare for who knows how long) darn thankful. So stinkin’ thankful for the flexible job and the incredible body God gave me. Cause while it may be dysfunctional, it was beautifully, intentionally, and wonderfully made.