How did you feel in High School?

 

High school was ROUGH for me physically and mentally. I missed a LOT of school because I was sick so often, but not the traditional type of sick that the other kids/teachers/staff were used to. I felt sick but didn't know how to describe it and when I tried to, i was sent back to class. It was deemed "all in my head" most of the time. After being told that by the nurses, teachers, AND doctors, I started to believe it. I really believed that it was all in my head. I really believed that everyone else experienced what I did, but that I was just weak. How stinkin' sad. Showering was (still is) so tough for me but I didn't understand why. Blow drying my hair was an instant guarantee that I'd need to stay home from school because It would make me so sick. Anything that required me to stand up or put my arms above my head was a hard no. Gym class was utter torture as you could imagine. I would eat lunch and go down hill almost immediately. Then there was the actual school part. I couldn't focus in class and struggled majorly with retaining what I learned. Brain fog was and is no joke. Social life was a whole different beast. I said no to a lot of things because I just wasn't well enough to go. But when

I did say yes, when I did go, man, I gave it my alll and had a blast. I think this helped me nail down the whole “masking" thing. I got good at hiding my symptoms and blending in. I've always loved playing sports and was really looking forward to it when I started high school. But once again, couldn't understand how everything was effortless for everyone else and for me, I would get sick. I went to try outs for placement for field hockey and long story short, the coach wanted us to do a few laps around north campus, but I didn't even make it halfway before losing my vision. I turned as white as a sheet, couldn't hear the coaches when they were talking to me, and wound up fainting. I was sent home and asked to not return because my episode "freaked them out too much". I was cut from a non cut sport and the one good thing that came from that episode was a temporary clarity that I wasn't like everyone else and maybe, just maybe it wasn't all in my head. Because I was so convinced that it was all in my head and that I was so weak, I was so determined to work extra hard and set challenges for myself so I felt like I was beating "it" whatever "it" was. So all in all, high school was hard for me, and as badly as I wish I could have had the validation that comes with a diagnosis, I'm I'm also thankful. I wouldn't be who I am or have the drive I do without my high school experience just as it was, so I'm thankful.

Little Livey was stronger than she realized!