What would you tell your pre-diagnosis self?

 

I really love this question. Mostly because I've been spending a lot of time thinking about younger me. I found some old abandoned (private) blogs that I wrote when I was young, like 12-18 years old kind of young. My goodness, did it rattle me. It made me sad that I lived in such unknown and that I constantly beat myself up for not being able to do this or do that. That I really believed that everyone experienced life how I did and they all were in the pain I've always been in.

So ever since finding those blogs and reading my entries, it's been something I've been working through personally and also in therapy. I've been trying to be the friend I needed when I was younger. I've been trying to be kinder and gentler and more understanding with present day me in honor of younger me. So to go back to the question..there's so much I would say.

But what I really wish I knew is simply that it was never in my head and that I was never weak. I know I may sound like a broken record since I say these two sentences in practically every post I write, but to me, this is BIG. Because I know I'm not the only one. It's a really big reason why advocating is so important to me. When I was young, I searched so much for people who I could relate to. People who experienced life the way I did. But I never found anything, never found anyone.

Thankfully, we've come a LONG way since then. I'm apart of some great support groups and have wonderful spoonie friends. But back then? I wanted so bad to not feel alone in my pain. If I could be that for one person, then it makes all of these posts, all of the vulnerability, all of the potential awkwardness that comes along with it, worth it.

So there's a lot I would say. Too much to put in one post.